I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
