Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
