She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
