You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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