Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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