He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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