he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
