I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he fucked my hip out of place.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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