thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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