mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
