forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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