The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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