I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
