I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
