You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
