Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
A+ Viking dick
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
