Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
