Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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