My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
