since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
