Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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