I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
