he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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