I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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