Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
