Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
