i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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