he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
