What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
