I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
