Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
