You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
