Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
