I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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