I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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