Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize