my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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