Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
