We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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