Yo dont text me then not text me
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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