do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
