I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she told me i tasted like america
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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