i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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