i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
