SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
