a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
how drunk are you?
Several
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize