All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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