found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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