yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
