Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
