Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
