she was so not down for the gang bang
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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