i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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