Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
