The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
