I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
