Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
