ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
They have beer where we have blood.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
