I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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