Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
