maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
