Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
