also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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