we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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