sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
