I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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