is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he told me I talked like a deaf person
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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