I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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