He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
