is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
