I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
