bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
