i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
