I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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