Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
