i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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