Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
