so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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