Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
