yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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