you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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