She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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