I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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