I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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