Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
