She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
