gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
