I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
