Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
