Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize