I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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