I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
