Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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