The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
