He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
