It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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