Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
