I accidentally burped into my bong.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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